Lost and found

Well, this should officially wrap up the travel section of my blog for awhile. I arrived home, safe and sound, on the 15th. I've been chilling out and trying to readapt to stationary life since. I've noticed that anytime I travel for awhile and come home, things maintain a sort of fuzzy sense of unreality for awhile.
    
The drive to CO was relatively uneventful. We did the "hell ride" as my uncle calls it, 33 hours only stopping for gas and a sandwich. We split the driving (I drove a bit less than half), the alternate crashing out in the back seat when off the clock. I have to say, I was rather impressed at my own endurance, considering I hadn't so much as driven around the block in almost a month and a half. The train ride was boring... but mercifully short (12 hours).

Summary


  Well... I guess this would be the point where I tell you what I learned, and all that.  Unfortunately, that would be easier if the trip had been more defined. But that's not really where my whole life has been lately. I'd have to say that most of the important things that happened to me while I was gone are the kind of things we don't talk about. Not because they're secret, exactly, but because nobody else would understand. Based on a lifetime of accumulated personal observation, these are the subtle truths that sound stupid, crazy, or both, if spoken aloud. Maybe someday when my internal life is less chaotic I will have better stories to share... but for now, my adventures exist mostly in my own mind.

  As you probably know, this trip was undertaken partly (primarily even) in search of some answers. Initially, I would have said that I didn't get the answers I was looking for. But, really, I think the deeper issue here is trust. I think I had those answers before I left, and still haven't learned to trust them in the face of the crosswise nature of my reality right now.  I mostly know where I'm headed, but everything seems backwards right now, and something's gotta break before I can move. I'm starting to think that something may be the element of self-trust itself. Where I want to go from here will require a great deal of personal security, probably more than most people lay claim to, and it seems I will have to give myself that before the tipping point is reached. Contrary to popular belief, the only way to find trust is to create it yourself. See? I'm already starting to sound crazy...

So, no big overview to share. I ate a lot of tasty food, hung out with many friends and loved ones, and traveled many many miles. I am still as much at a loss as when I left, but I'm starting to think that's my own fault. But today I wrote a song. I like it... catchy melody, cool break, nice words. I'd maybe even share it on youtube, but you know... the camera thing. But I'll do the next best thing and give you the lyrics. It's kind of a traveling song, I guess. I've had the title for about a year (it's slated to be the title track on my first album), but I just haven't been able to find the song 'til now. Funny, how that works. Anyway, here you go...

Lost and Found

Passing trains
And awkward waiting lines
And the lights of this city, so much like the others, with its
Distant passing smiles
Gone in such a hurry, sheltered high
On every side, by buildings tall
So loved by the gods, for a laugh
All scattered round
Lost and found

Forgotten names
Spaces shared awhile
By these handshake strangers
Waiting for a chance to be known
Again, united in
A common cause of motion, and the
Sway, blacktop or the rails or the
Swelling sea, like the motion of the lovers we have found
Picked up, let down
Lost and found

If I had the time
I'd go back, and dig
These seeds from my mind
Bright flowers, scattered round
Choking the ground
But for now
My fingers love the sound
Of "lost and found"

If I had the time
I'd go back and find
A place to call mine
And I'd find these eyes
Never turned from mine
But my heart
Still swells to the sound
Of "lost and found"

Going home
White station lights
Or the singing of the blacktop
Hoping that the next stop brings us rest
Sleep, companions for the road ahead
"ladies and gentlemen, stand back, the doors are opening..."
The sway, the swell
The loving road beneath
Riding that line between the times
And the sound
Of "lost and found"

Those who have never attempted it may not believe this, but songwriting is not a process of contrivance. That is to say, I don't "think up" the things I write. The experience is much less like planning a building than like tuning in a static- filled radio. Consequently, you never really know what you've got 'til you hear it for yourself. When it was finished, I noticed it shares a certain musical attitude with this song, which I will leave you with.

             Later!
                 -Mojoe